I was away from Ireland for four months, and let me tell you, it was the hardest yet best four months. I’ll go deeper into why under heart stuff!

 I started with my dad in Idaho and got to spend Christmas with him, which I haven’t in a while. It was a fun time, complete with matching Christmas PJs! Since I never lived in Idaho, I don’t have friends there or many connections at all outside of family. This definitely made it isolating at times. BUT, an extremely generous family who support me asked if they could fly me to California to spend some time with them and my people back at home. WHAT A FLIPPING TREAT. Denny family, I don’t deserve you! After a beautiful couple of days filled with prayer, cars, the stomach flu, and beach drives, I came back to Idaho feeling spiritually refreshed! The wonderful side of being in America was the sweet joy of In N Out and Chick Fil A. PRAISE THE LORD!

Being in the States and not being able to see my soul mate (Hannah) feels like torture for both of us. GOD BLESS THAT WOMAN, she paid for a ticket for me to come see her next. Off to Minnesota I went, where I lay on her couch for about a week straight while she worked from home. It may sound boring to most, but sometimes you just need to sit in a quiet room with your best friend.

Stateside to Scotland was a breath of fresh air! There’s something about the air in the British Isles that hits differently. Scotland was mostly rainy and cold, and sometimes even made me miss Ireland more! But what absolute WARMTH I felt from people who I now call family, and all the friends and family that came to visit me in my nomadic era!

All this to say, I spent four months laughing harder than I’ve ever laughed. Crying from a depth I’ve never cried, and trusting from a place of complete surrender.

omething I noticed quite quickly after leaving Ireland was how little I opened my bible. How I struggled to spend time with the Lord. There was this isolating feeling that hit after Christmas. Calls and texts, and all the updates, stopped coming. Work had to continue without me. Ministry couldn’t wait until I returned. I was left with nothing to do. No ‘work’. When I was in Scotland, surrounded by people who loved me deeply and I them, even then I couldn’t help but feeling this intense emptiness. Anxiety plagued me. Even as the time got closer to going back to Ireland, the anxiety got even worse! I was on the phone with a dear friend and supporter, Emory. I was sharing with her my fear, depression, struggles with God and overall sadness. She said something to me that shook me. She said something along the lines of this. When Jesus was in the garden before going for his persecution. He was in prayer and he was full of anxiety. Of course he was, he has felt all our human emotions. But, he was so anxious he was sweating blood. And I don’t think he was sweating blood in anticipation of the crucifixion. I think he was sweating blood in anticipation of being separated from the Father.

Oh my. It all hit me there. I had done what everyone told me not to do. What everyone told me to be careful of. I had put my identity in ministry. Because my everyday was Jesus. My work, Jesus. I couldn’t sit with Jesus without ‘work’. I struggled to pray because I had begun to worship God because of ministry, rather than do ministry out of worship for God. The thought of going back and everyone being ok without me. The thought of God still moving but not using me killed me. Because my faith was so tied up in ministry that the thought of not having ministry felt like separation from the Father.

Quickly after that realisation, I repented. How prideful of me. But oh, how gracious is our Lord. He knew. He knows. He sees. He wanted every bit of me. And it took getting me alone, and away from safety, for me to seek dependence on him so he could show me the parts of me not completely surrendered to Him.

With all that said above, where does that leave me now? GREAT QUESTION. Before I left, Young Adults was a ministry that took up most of my attention and focus. My heart has always, always, been to raise up indigenous leaders. I used to say, If I’m doing the same thing for years and years to come and someone from the local context hasn’t been equipped to lead, then I’m doing something wrong. WELL, we have a Lizzie! I’ve mentioned her before and she is our intern at the Centre of Mission, and she HELD IT DOWN while I was gone. And she will continue to hold it down. I will still be a part of Young Adults, although I’m not sure how much longer I can get away with that, seeing as I'm pushing 30. I’m here if Lizzie ever needs anything, plus I’m still mentoring and discipling many of the young adults in the group! So I haven’t left, just changed my role!

I made it home just in time for one last Alpha session and Holy Spirit Day in one of the schools! It was incredible seeing Holy Spirit move amongst some of the girls. HE REALLY IS SO POWERFUL. I’ll still be doing this starting in late August/September as everyone will be breaking for summer soon! So come back to school time, catch me scheduling every bit of Youth Alpha we can!

ReCentre is thriving, and we are seeing a few younger faces on a Sunday, which I think is pretty cool. I’ve resumed my baking and hospitality duties, and weekly baked goods are back to their regular scheduled programming!

With all this said, I never want to be in the place I was before I left Ireland. I want to be prayerful and seeking His face before ever seeking His hand. So this leaves me open for a bit more. I’m taking the summer to discover what ministry in this new season looks like. Something new, something old, something different, that’s for sure.

Don’t you worry, i’m still Keanna. So you know i’m still doing things! Please pray I can stick to not saying yes to things without praying and seeking the Lords direction first!